Hello Spicymustard, I was inspired by your insight on where you are at now. Your willingness to ask for help, going to a meeting and coming to the Forum is a beginning. I relate to your perception on your first AA meeting. Yes there is some of that there but there are a lot of people with good sobriety who accept you the way you are. As alcholics who have suffered some kind of abuse we are so used to pretecting self, self sufficiency in an unhealthy way. We have gotten used to prior to and during our drinking that we can do it all ourselves and we don't need any help ...heck we can't even trust people.
Many wise folks here have given you good messages. As a newbie myself I was full of doubt when I started and really day by day I started to feel connected, it's worth it............peace to you