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I went to my first meeting.

Old 09-06-2012, 02:59 PM
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I went to my first meeting.

I was very nervous and ashamed when I got there. I didn't really know what to expect.

People took turns speaking. Sometimes it was jibberish. Sometimes it was a little too religious for my own preferences. Other times it was very interesting and relevant to what I've experienced.

I wanted to leave early at first. Toward the end I wanted it to go on for longer.

A couple veterans came up to me afterwards. I told them I was still drinking. They were still very supportive and gave me some practical advice about getting over my physical dependence in the short to medium term.

I have mixed feelings about AA. Overall I think it's positive. My atheism might be a barrier. But I think it'll help.

A veteran told me "you're ready." I think I'm not quite there yet, but very very close.
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:04 PM
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Cool....A lot of athiest's get sober in AA...Keep an open mind and try a few meetings before making up your mind....I'm curious why you think you aren't ready?....Most people walk through those doors are done. I know I was.
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:08 PM
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I'm mentally ready but I will go through (potentially deadly) withdrawals if I quit cold turkey. I need to make arrangements to avoid that.
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:11 PM
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All right glad it went well. Please keep giving it more and more of a try. Of course your not going to relate to everyone's story, but stick around and I promise you will here yours

Bring the body and the mind will follow..

And at first glace god talk can look religous but in AA its not. That religion is for church and Good Orderly Direction or God is AA .
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:13 PM
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Oh as for the withdrawls yes definatly see the doctor and make it safe before hand. I have wound up in the ICU once and went to the ER another time during detox..

Be safe and get well to live life freely..
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:14 PM
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Try a hospital detox, they can help you stay alive. Then return to AA with a clear head and an open mind.

Death by Alcoholism or a Spiritual Way of Living? It was not a very difficult decision for me to make!
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by spicymustard View Post
I'm mentally ready but I will go through (potentially deadly) withdrawals if I quit cold turkey. I need to make arrangements to avoid that.
I'm glad you understand that.
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
Cool....A lot of athiest's get sober in AA...Keep an open mind and try a few meetings before making up your mind....I'm curious why you think you aren't ready?....Most people walk through those doors are done. I know I was.
Right on, Sapling... if spicymustard keeps coming to the meetings we'll at least turn him into an agnostic .

All the best, mustard.

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Old 09-06-2012, 03:19 PM
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AA is weird, no doubt. Yeah, they do the god talk a lot, and for sure there will be the ramblers, stutterers and brain fried, but, hey, we're all not perfect.

When I walked into the rooms for the first time, I though it was a lot of bull hooey. That was 12 years ago, and it didn't take. The god speak and the happy faces and the slogans just threw me off. So I drank and drugged for another decade.

Then I realized one of the basic tenants of AA struck me to the core -- that first step.

I am powerless over alcohol. Once I start there is no stopping, and I don't mean just for that night but for the next few years or perhaps for the rest of my life.

I've also realized I'm powerless over nouns -- people, places and things. You see, my whole life was based on the premise that I was in control; in fact, if the whole world would just behave and act and talk and do what I wanted, all would be gravy. Then I realized I wasn't in control and the counter intuitive realization struck that there is actually a freedom in that. That realization came to me over about a year of sobriety (I've been sober for two).

You will hear in the rooms that AA isn't religious, and then folks will spout this Higher Power crap. I had real issues with that when I stepped a toe into AA and found the water too cold, and when I walked into the rooms again two years ago totally helpless in my battle with alcohol.

And then the basic premise of the program just struck me and that is that I just needed to believe that there was a power greater than myself out there. It wasn't really that hard once I stopped over thinking it. I mean, the force of the group supporting each other, well, that was powerful. Then I got into the more esoteric thing that their are quarks and quasars and black holes and universes too vast to count or even see. Powerful stuff, and I didn't create any of it. So that just opened my mind to the point that finding something more powerful than myself wasn't that hard at all.

I've run into atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, Christians, Jews and Muslims in AA. They all talk about a higher power at work if not directly in their lives, than out there in the void of space. I know, weird stuff. But even those labeling themselves as Christians will talk about God and then drop an F bomb in the room, so even though I have issues with Christianity for some reason, I figured if folks were going to talk all God like and swear in the same sentence, it was all good to me.

Tolerance is another thing AA has taught me.

But, Spicey, wasn't it cool that folks came up to you after the meeting -- complete strangers -- and offered some help or at least a knowing ear? There's some power in that, for sure.

So you are still drinking and you went to a meeting where the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. And you were accepted. That, too, is pretty powerful stuff.

Sorry to get so preachy on the whole "religious" aspect of AA, but it was always the biggest hurdle for me in AA and I have grown into it and now feel really comfortable in what I don't know and can't fathom, and that is a concept of spirituality.

Keep coming back.
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Old 09-06-2012, 04:30 PM
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I'm really glad you're working on your recovery.
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Old 09-06-2012, 04:31 PM
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Good stuff MB....Real good stuff!
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:29 PM
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if you work the steps and use the group as a power greater than you can have some good sobriety.I know people that pray even though they don't really have a higher power and it works. Prayer works
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:40 PM
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I think the God and religion thing with AA is more to get the person to accept that there is something bigger than themselves out there. Their idea of that can really be almost anything, like space or nature or something like that. But yea, I've seen a lot of bible thumpers at meetings. If it works for them cool, but if it don't apply let it fly haha.
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:37 AM
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I am an athiest and had a real problem at first with the spirituality concept. Then someone talked about how alcohol was stronger than them. They then pointed out that for the many sober people in the rooms, something had been able to help them become and stay sober. So I was able to take that idea, that people using whatever HP they could find, were able to rid themselves of the insanity and obsession, and began using the rooms and the people of the rooms as a HP.
Not only that I realized I was wasting a lot of time and energy fighting something that really wasn't about me. People don't talk about god to **** me off (even though it sometimes did) but because it is what helped them get better. And I want to hear about everything that helped someone. Some of those things have been tremendously helpful, others not as much. Either way I try to listen with willingness and an open mind and to get as much as I can from each meeting.
BTW, good luck with your detox. Did two out of three inpatient. Sucks at first but remember, you only have to do it once.
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:45 AM
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Hello Spicymustard, I was inspired by your insight on where you are at now. Your willingness to ask for help, going to a meeting and coming to the Forum is a beginning. I relate to your perception on your first AA meeting. Yes there is some of that there but there are a lot of people with good sobriety who accept you the way you are. As alcholics who have suffered some kind of abuse we are so used to pretecting self, self sufficiency in an unhealthy way. We have gotten used to prior to and during our drinking that we can do it all ourselves and we don't need any help ...heck we can't even trust people.

Many wise folks here have given you good messages. As a newbie myself I was full of doubt when I started and really day by day I started to feel connected, it's worth it............peace to you
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:55 AM
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Originally Posted by jennikate View Post
I am an athiest and had a real problem at first with the spirituality concept. Then someone talked about how alcohol was stronger than them. They then pointed out that for the many sober people in the rooms, something had been able to help them become and stay sober. So I was able to take that idea, that people using whatever HP they could find, were able to rid themselves of the insanity and obsession, and began using the rooms and the people of the rooms as a HP.
Not only that I realized I was wasting a lot of time and energy fighting something that really wasn't about me. People don't talk about god to **** me off (even though it sometimes did) but because it is what helped them get better. And I want to hear about everything that helped someone. Some of those things have been tremendously helpful, others not as much. Either way I try to listen with willingness and an open mind and to get as much as I can from each meeting.
BTW, good luck with your detox. Did two out of three inpatient. Sucks at first but remember, you only have to do it once.
Either way I try to listen with willingness and an open mind and to get as much as I can from each meeting.

That's the key right there. What a great post!
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