Fallow...
Ah ha moments are over rated. Save them for Oprah and other talk show hosts. We in the real world don't need them to know better.
You know better.... If it is needed than consider this an ah ha moment. When people all around the world respond to a message posted on some server and all tell you the same thing.
Ah ha! You can do this. Being sober and staying sober is not something others do. It's something we do. You can do. I do.
I here a lot of sadness in your post. I have been depressed for a long time. Was I depressed so I drank or was I depressed because I drank. Either way... You may want to consider addressing that.
There is nothing fake about posting on SR. Day 1s or day anything. Keep posting.
But bottom line is desire.
Consequence is not a requirement for sobriety.
Desire is.
Don't let consequence be the only reason... There are plenty here to testify that its not worth it.
All my best to you! I want to see you do it. I believe in you.