I think that one of the (many) things that helped me to separate from my ex was hearing what other men who were in recovery from crack would say about the women that had been with them during their active use
somehow I got it in my head that they felt so low, worthless and disgusted with themselves that they had no respect for the woman that would have wanted to be with them...and because of the nature of codependency and such they could often deflect and, once they had a little recovery under their belt, start saying how sick "she" was to have loved someone so despicable.
I may never know the truth of the behaviors of my ex while he was using (sex or whatever)...but HE does, and if he is so self disgusted then it seems natural to be somehow disgusted with someone who cared about someone so disgusting...make sense? LOL
I was determined NOT to start taking on that role in his mind...in his twisted way of turning things around. I, too, started to hear little criticisms of my program (I am almost seven years sober and now two years in recovery with codependency!) yet he would fingerpoint at any defects/chinks in my program, he would rage at my imperfections when it came to being a holier than thou person...I was supposed to accept and forgive,
but I could tell I was turning into a crackhead codependent...in HIS mind!!! haha
this post may sound bizarre...
what happened is that as I started getting better and realizing what I was involved in I could see more clearly the manipulation. he blamed me for my pain and sorrow, and used it as an excuse to belittle my capacity for recovery and as an excuse for him not being successful at recovery.
OUT, freedom!
recovery means taking your OWN inventory!
the addict doesn't get to do it for you!