Victim and Martyr
[QUOTE=seek;3561315]
I think I feel that my grandson is incapable of making good decisions, therefore it is up to me to guide him when I can (I know it is not my job anymore, but I felt I had that job for a long time and there is a lingering feeling that I need to "do something") . . .that last sentiment is complicated by the fact that the family is supporting him in a sober living situation and we need to be involved in some of the counseling . . .so there is an expectation put on the family.
II believe my grandson has a relationship with God - but I also have the belief that he doesn't know what he is doing and the lessons he learns are going to come at a high cost (and I see these are his lessons - but I have lots and lots of grief over the loss of health, loss of opportunities, etc. - He has already lost so much) . . .I know he is young and he can use all of this as "grist for the mill," and hopefully he will do so . . .It's just hard watching someone make mistake after mistake . . .
Dearest Seek, This is so me! I have always rescued my son and the root cause/reason is my belief that he was incapable of taking care of himself. It is a terrible disservice we do because our children NEED to make mistakes without being rescued. There is no way they can grow if this doesn't occur. I dont know if you are aware of the victim-martyr-persecutor triangle, but it is a visual description of being tossed into this chasm with no apparent way out because our roles are defined.
It takes a very strong awareness of when you go into either martyr or victim role (or persecutor) and be able to not automatically respond with those emotions and actions.