Aw, FF. I did the same thing more times than I can remember. And that was BEFORE I decided it would be a great idea if I started hooking to fund my habits. There's really no worse feeling on earth than waking up and realizing you did it again. It's really, really scary to be so out of control. I feel for you, I have done it too. Alcohol can make us into people we don't recognize as ourselves. All my best to you.