Originally Posted by
FenwayFaithful 
The worst part of all this is I can't stop.
I know I should and have every reason in the world to but I don't know that I can cope with life without drinking
That is the most disgusting part of all of this. This isn't the first time I've made a stupid sexual decision because of drinking and I'm sure it won't be the last.
Why can't I stop? I feel like I want to but at the same time I feel like I don't. For me drinking is about numbing emotions I can't deal with. My now recent ex ABF was just put in jail and I can't deal with it. Hence the drinking.
Before this I was sober. But now I just can't stop. Or won't stop.
I know everyone does stupid thing they aren't proud of when they drink. But WTF is it going to take for me to know when enough is enough? I mean WTF is wrong with me that I think I can't get through today without drinking after what happened last night?
it doesnt read like you are coping too good
with alcohol.
insanity= doin the same thing over and over knowing the results will be the same.
if you look at it, yer emotions arent being numbed and what yer doin doesnt read like it is workin too good at learning how to live with emotions. i htought i was good at dealing with emotions by drinking, but found out thats what got me to the point of desperation. it could have gotten worse, but i chose to get help. my thinking got me drunk. my thinkin wasnt gonna get me sober( which is more than just not drinkin. thats dry).
IMO, the problem with you is that yer an alcoholic. what you write is what we alcoholics do. what its gonna take is up to you. you can step off the elevator at any time, but it is your choice and ya gotta make a decision you
want to get sober and are willing to do whatever ya gotta do to get sober, even if it involves standing on your head gargling peanut butter.
i have read a lot of what you write in the big book of alcoholics anonymous. its where i found myself described and where i found the solution.