Thank you to EVERYONE who responded. I really appreciate the wisdom and ideas that have been offered.
I am in a bad space. I can tend to be obsessive, and one thing that can really bother me is having obsessive/worry thoughts throughout my sleep, extending into my dreams.
I AM also lonely, which is not helping the situation. I think in my Family of Origin, there was no one who was on the same wavelength, as me, intellectually - no one I could connect with - same with my own children - but my grandson is intellectual . . .I think that is part of the hook of wanting to connect with him, but he is emotionally incapable of doing so and it is not his job to entertain me anyway.
On the worry issue - I think it is exacerbated by beliefs I have about "right" thoughts, actions, etc. (a Buddhist perspective) . . . I think I feel that my grandson is incapable of making good decisions, therefore it is up to me to guide him when I can (I know it is not my job anymore, but I felt I had that job for a long time and there is a lingering feeling that I need to "do something") . . .that last sentiment is complicated by the fact that the family is supporting him in a sober living situation and we need to be involved in some of the counseling . . .so there is an expectation put on the family.
I personally have lots and lots of interests and hobbies - that has never been the problem - but because of my psychology, going for a walk or taking pictures or doing my artwork or writing does not take away my deep fear or grief.
I believe my grandson has a relationship with God - but I also have the belief that he doesn't know what he is doing and the lessons he learns are going to come at a high cost (and I see these are his lessons - but I have lots and lots of grief over the loss of health, loss of opportunities, etc. - He has already lost so much) . . .I know he is young and he can use all of this as "grist for the mill," and hopefully he will do so . . .It's just hard watching someone make mistake after mistake . . .and some of it is really basic stuff - I wish, as I was helping to raise him - I had known what was going to happen and I would have focused more on values - I thought I had guided him, sufficiently . . .I provided a lot of material for him - and so did some other people . . .but his emotional wounds and his own psychology and his own path have superceded all of that, apparently. I am just sad today - for him and for myself. I think I am having a pity party on this holiday!