I have to practice gratitude in relationships that I have that may or may not be repaired. In my situation, I have a child who lost respect for me. I'm an recovering alcoholic and I work my program, and doing pretty well. I had to change my approach to her, I have to shut my mouth when I'd love to speak my mind, I have to treat her with respect and call her my young adult daughter (i want to baby her). I have to support her and the choices she's making for higher learning. I'm having to pull myself out emotionally, just support her in all that she's doing and give her unconditional love. Now my son who is already an adult-he reminds me of her age and not to take what she says to heart, that she will grow out of this. In the teenage years, they still are dealing with all those hormones and they want their independence-when we stand in the way-we become the enemy. Unfortunately when she was growing up, I balanced being her friend and parent (her father was present-but not there). She never got in trouble in school, never picked up drinking or drugging, she's always been good kid.. And as far as my drinking-maybe I had 6 months of it that affected her. But her perspectives are different than mine-she looks at things differently and I know we all do, but it hurts when I remember the days when I was her friend/parent. Or I think back to days when I would try to buy her love..it didn't work-she needed me and I was at fault.
In spite of me, she's doing quite well! I'll keep my mouth shut, work my program, take care of her basic needs and guide her in the direction she wants to go, I have to even respect her perspectives-even if I feel they are wrong-in her mind they are right! She will have to deal with that and hope she can live with her choices. I have to smile when I feel like crying, I have to walk away into another room to deal with me-if she hurts my feelings. I find myself projecting into the future, hoping for something we will have in the future-but it's all up to her.. I will love her unconditionally till then.
BUT.. I will not focus so much on her or anyone to the point that I do not take care of myself (or become codependent).
I have to consider my SOBRIETY! I also consider that I was a person before I got involved with my ex husband and had children. And I will find those things that make me happy, healthy and sober. I'll work on me and when I'm at that step will ask for full amends.
If he restrained himself from speaking his mind-he obviously cares for you! Practice gratitude- He's alive, he's working a program, he's trying in life again, he's trying to make better decisions, etc, etc. AND if you feel like taking a vacation-DO IT, but don't move away to Bora Bora..