thank god this board is here
I just want to say, once again, I'm very grateful for this forum and for everyone here who has been so kind and supportive.
I'm at the point where I'm tempted again. Kinda badly. I'm 3 days sober and already craving. Not just craving a beer, but craving the entire experience of the people I see when I go out, the places I go, the atmosphere. Having a night out to look forward to, a little hole in the week where I know I'll be able to slip out that hole and into la-la land.
The trouble is that I have to get it through my head that I cannot do that without drinking until the sun comes up, ruining the next day, and driving myself closer to losing my job, losing respect for myself and my colleagues losing more respect for me.
The first time I quit it was fairly easy but that was 19 years ago. I managed to stay sober for 12 years, but was miserable and lonely. I went back out about 7 years ago (elsewhere on here I've said 5 but I just did the math, I guess it's been 7) and this time is much, much harder. I've tried and failed numerous times. And I have SO much more to lose this time.
Anyway I'm in the danger zone now. I have to get to a meeting tomorrow and come home with phone numbers.
My big thing is loneliness. Leaving behind the friends I had drinking is hard; but I've done it so far. I know, obviously, I can't be in that scene anymore. We were all heavy drinkers but I've been the worst by far. But I do have 2 friends who do not drink, and instead of going to meetings these past 3 days I've been doing things with one of them which has helped. But I know the meetings are invaluable, I guess I'm just being clingy and insecure with what few friends I will be able to still have in my life.
Blah blah blah... I know I've said most of these here already before, but I'm just really feeling it tonight and wanted to thank all of you for the fact that I have this board to come to tonight instead of heading down to my usual bar which is what I feel tempted to do.