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thank god this board is here

Old 09-01-2012, 09:55 PM
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thank god this board is here

I just want to say, once again, I'm very grateful for this forum and for everyone here who has been so kind and supportive.

I'm at the point where I'm tempted again. Kinda badly. I'm 3 days sober and already craving. Not just craving a beer, but craving the entire experience of the people I see when I go out, the places I go, the atmosphere. Having a night out to look forward to, a little hole in the week where I know I'll be able to slip out that hole and into la-la land.

The trouble is that I have to get it through my head that I cannot do that without drinking until the sun comes up, ruining the next day, and driving myself closer to losing my job, losing respect for myself and my colleagues losing more respect for me.

The first time I quit it was fairly easy but that was 19 years ago. I managed to stay sober for 12 years, but was miserable and lonely. I went back out about 7 years ago (elsewhere on here I've said 5 but I just did the math, I guess it's been 7) and this time is much, much harder. I've tried and failed numerous times. And I have SO much more to lose this time.

Anyway I'm in the danger zone now. I have to get to a meeting tomorrow and come home with phone numbers.

My big thing is loneliness. Leaving behind the friends I had drinking is hard; but I've done it so far. I know, obviously, I can't be in that scene anymore. We were all heavy drinkers but I've been the worst by far. But I do have 2 friends who do not drink, and instead of going to meetings these past 3 days I've been doing things with one of them which has helped. But I know the meetings are invaluable, I guess I'm just being clingy and insecure with what few friends I will be able to still have in my life.

Blah blah blah... I know I've said most of these here already before, but I'm just really feeling it tonight and wanted to thank all of you for the fact that I have this board to come to tonight instead of heading down to my usual bar which is what I feel tempted to do.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:03 PM
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I had to cut it down to basics - my old life was killing me - I had to make a new life.

I expected I'd be very lonely and live a kind of beige existence forever more...what actually happened is I remembered who I really was...I'd drunk for so long I believed that guy was me...but he wasn't.

I was lonely too - but I'm glad I took some time off just to be with myself...I'd never just been with me before...I'd always filled in any uncomfortable silence with people or parties....

I learned a lot about myself - and I got more comfortable with who I was, and I stopped being lonely....and then people started re-entering my life.

It's funny how that works.

It takes a little time - but find out who sober you is backbeat - then you can start to build the kind of life that suits you...and you'll attract people who like the real you too

D
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:09 PM
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Backbeat, I am glad you are here, too.

You have lots of friends here. All I can offer is to say that I had all those thoughts too in the beginning and more. How will I ever date again? How will I ever do anything again is what it came down to. Well it seems that was all my addiction talking.

In a week it will be seven months and all those worries have proven not to be true. I feel more real than I have ever felt. I have the strength, power, and judgement of my age on my side, and sobriety as my lense. I am making good decisions for myself, decisions I could have made years ago if I had not become hooked on alcohol.

Everything that stopped in me and in my life is finding life again. Slowly, but surely, only as fast or much as I can handle. I have to say, it literally feels like a miracle to me.

I don't get it. But inside sobriety all my unlived dreams have been waiting for me, all this time. It is hard to describe. But you deserve the same, and it will automatically happen, if you stick with your decision. Take the long view, backbeat. It will not fail you.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:15 PM
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Backbeat stay with it. A lot of us are in the same boat you are. Its only been 3 days for me too. My anxiety, loneliness and depression are already in full swing. Plus I have not been able to sleep. Congratulations on 3 days sober. Good luck, I know I'll need it
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:26 PM
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Thank you so much for your replies. My heart goes out to you guys, and if I could hug each of you right now I would. Thank you.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:51 PM
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Group hug!!
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:57 PM
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Hang in, backbeat - and don't forget SR's chat room!
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:05 AM
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Thank you so much for your post..

Glad your here and glad your getting back to meetings..

Without the fellowship of AA I personally would drink, being such a social person that loniness would be to hard for me.. But thankfully thats not the case AA here in Cleveland is like when I was living in San Fran and there is always something to do in one district or another.

Welcome back home..
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:06 AM
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It is probably easy to romanticize your drinking. A great way to talk yourself out of staying sober. Myself, I had gotten so far away from any aspect of drinking that I could romantize, it was easy for me to not use that ploy.

I am sorry that your last sober experience was, as you called it, lonely and miserable. Being sober doesnt' guarantee happiness. Neither does just abstaining from drinking. The promise is in recovery from alcoholism.

I love my sober life. Might bore the heck out of a lot of people. But I don't drink. I don't make other people's lives miserable with my drinking. I don't miss my old life.

Hope you find the peace I have.
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:22 AM
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Hi,

I'm sorry that your last sober experience was miserable and lonely. I hope this time can be different for you and very positive. I lucked into a volunteer job in my very early recovery and I was amazed by how much it helped me. I met some wonderful (sober) people and I began to feel like I had a purpose in my life.

It's good that you recognize that you are vulnerable right now, and hopefully you can make some changes in your life so that your recovery is an awesome experience.
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:24 AM
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SR and AA helped me to get to 15 and a half months!

Stick around here!
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Old 09-02-2012, 07:56 AM
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hi backbeat,

I recognize how you feel - I have had years of sobriety and then drank again too. It is harder to quit each time (I drank for four years this time, now sober for one year, after 9 years of sobriety). I still wrestle with being lonely, but I know that drinking sure isn't the answer. I am slowly building my life back up, but what doggonecarl said is right on. Welcome and best wishes. And oh - thanks for your post to me about my cat Kramer.
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