I am certain that if I go boozing I will F-up my life again. After that first drink who knew what stupid thing I would do next, and that was scary. You are in a mind-F with that "what if" thinking. It could lead to thoughts like "why try, I will just blow it" etc.... Those thoughts will defeat you. Look at everyday as a victory, OK. Try not to worry too much about tomorrow.
Keep posting and going to meetings and get that sponsor.
Hugs,
MC