jessd

im very new to recovery and still have alot of mixed feelings about what to do next. I go to meeting but i dont have a sponcer. I wake up everyday wanting a new way of life but its hard. I have lots in my life to be greatful for but cant shake this fear of what if i **** up again. Im trying to reach out and get help.

FredG

Welcome to SR -

So ... what IF you **** up again? The answer is, that you don't and can't really know. I asked the same question in my early days. I didn't know either, but I also didn't want to chance that some of the possibilities floating through my head came true.

Go to lots more meetings, and grab a sponsor (even if only a temporary one, until you find a better one). Do thiese things now, this minute, this hour.

Nothing in your life will change until you decide to change it. Lots here on SR will help you on your road, but you've got to start and you seem to be starting in the right direction

Anna

My suggestion is to make the changes in your life that you need to make, in order to stay sober. I had to change my friends, my activities, my daily routines, all of it in order to recover. Don't focus on failing, focus on what you can do today to stay sober.

Dee74

hi Jess
Welcome

The way I dealt with that fear was by building up as much support as possible - I really didn't want to ever go back again - I made sure I had a *lot* of alternatives, a lkot of people to call and things to call on when I felt vulnerable...

If you're into AA, make some friends and get some numbers
maybe getting a sponsor and doing the steps would be another level of support too?

Coming here is a good step as well

you can do this

D

Sapling

Just getting a sponsor will take away a lot of that fear.....And get you going in the right direction. Welcome to SR!

Impurrfect

(((jessd))) - I needed a LOT of support when I was first getting clean. My "program" is a bit of this and a bit of that - AA, AVRT, Buddhism, American Indian beliefs, and SR!! I clung to this site as a life-line and read what worked for others.

I tried a lot of stuff, some worked great, some not so great, but I kept trying. Early recovery is tough, but finding support where you can really helps.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MetalChick

I am certain that if I go boozing I will F-up my life again. After that first drink who knew what stupid thing I would do next, and that was scary. You are in a mind-F with that "what if" thinking. It could lead to thoughts like "why try, I will just blow it" etc.... Those thoughts will defeat you. Look at everyday as a victory, OK. Try not to worry too much about tomorrow.

Keep posting and going to meetings and get that sponsor.

Hugs,

MC