wow!..wasnt expecting so many resoponses. i appreciate all the feedback!
The things you were all saying about this cycle of stop go stop go and roller coaster of highs and lows and manipulations..all rang true for me. Whenever he would have an episode with drinking he would beg and plead for me to stay and promise to go to AA and never drink again..and then a month later start up again. he is literally the king of manipulating me and guilt tripping me and I always seem to get sucked in. i have actually just blocked him from my cell phone and emails instead of having a conversation because I know I will get sucked in.
what is it about this that sucks you in?..Its like I compromised my boundaries of what i would put up with and slowly with each slight compromise I went so far down the hole that i couldnt get out of it. This whole thing seemed never endending. he was not a stable guy and I was physically and emotionally drained alot..he had quite the snappy temper too..
but that all being said..why the hell do I still entertain the idea of going back for more!!??..ive never been this lacking in confidence before. It feels like im under a spell. I know in my head he is not the type of person I want totake care of me ( irresponsibe, immature, ) or take care of and have a partnership with..but I still worry and care about him and his well being. i guess its not my problem and I need to wlk away..just funny how it can suck you back in so easily.
note to self. get a spine.