Hello Randy. It sounds like to me that he is an alcoholic in denial. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and without proper treatment it can get worse. If he is wanting to “manage” his drinking by himself it sounds as if he is not ready to admit the depth of the problem.
I cannot tell you what to do, but being closely involved with an active alcoholic will drain you. It's like an emotional roller coaster that you get looped on and before you know it you feel drained, emotionally tired, and stuck. An active alcoholic gets in patterns of manipulation that will lure you in to believe that things will change for the better, but then they go back to the way they were eventually. They lie to keep their addiction fed. It’s a cycle. As soon as you threaten to change the cycle the active alcoholic will again come up with some form of manipulation to keep their enabler close.
If you do wish to continue with this relationship my advice is to be prepared. Educate yourself on Alcoholism and Codependency. Read the stickies at the top of the forum, and read through our many stories. Note they are all similar in many ways. Attend Al-Anon meetings and make sure you understand that you did not cause this, despite what you may feel later, you cannot control this, and you most definitely cannot cure this. Remember you cannot help him. It is up to him and only him to help himself.
Always take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to make yourself a priority. Don't settle for unhappiness.
