I too have experienced this rage and verbal abuse. I am new to this (or should I say just figuring out that I have a problem here). I am still in this relationship, he is in treatment for the first time, but I have many thoughts going through my head. How could I have put up with this for all these years. I keep telling myself it is way better than it was 20 years ago or even 10 years ago, but this is his first time in treatment (and mine). There are so many painful memories that revolve around around drugs and alcohol. It is extremely difficult to let that go. Right now I feel like I have to hang on to those so I don't make the wrong decision, but I hope in the future I will be able to settle those feelings and let them go. Even while he is in treatment he is still accusing me of having someone else and believes thats the reason I had him committed. (by the way I didn't have him committed, someone else called the police because he has been very confused, and disorderly in public.) So I guess those memories may serve a purpose, I don't even like to talk to anyone who might act or say something the way he would that would bring those particular memories to the surface. So maybe in a way they keep me safe. Sounds crazy huh?