Like everything else this is a process and I am not taking it in the least bit personally. Taking it personally was the way it was but not the way it will be. That's the difference here.
I hope there is a learning curve. I must come by my slowness genetically but when it is time it is time. I got there with my son, my husband and various others (not taking it personally) but finding the source and facing it dead on takes a little longer.
As pathetic as it sounds, when my dad remarried a girl 4 years older than I whenever I would visit I would get all dressed up. For years and years I worried about what I would wear whenever I saw him. There is something really unnatural about that.
When he left the family he gave the impression he thought he was better and so did his wife. He allowed us to feel that way. I never thought of him until now as a narcissist but it suits him. They are pretty unhealthy people and destructive to boot.
JT