21 Days Under My Belt
I have been sober for three weeks now. I can't tell you what a difference this has made in my life. First off, my relationships are so much better. I think this is because my relationship is better with myself. I have taken stabs at sobriety before, but always under the pretense of controlling it long enough (or abstaining long enough) to start back up and just have a couple of drinks at a time (be a normal drinker). This time I just feel different. I have accepted and internalized the fact that I am not a normal drinker. I am ok with that. That acceptance has really simplified things in terms of staying sober. Instead of trying not to drink with the thought of trying to control my drinking when I start again, I just focus on not drinking. It is much easier this way. When I have a craving, the dialog is short and sweet. I think "nope, I will not put that drink up to my lips because I know where it will lead me," not "well, I don't know if I can control it today, I may put down this craving and give in tomorrow, maybe I'll be ready then" (leaving a glimmer of drinking hope open.
As I said in previous posts, I was pretty physically active while drinking (yes madness at its finest). I am running a marathon in early October and a 31 mile Ultra in November. This has consumed a lot of my nervous energy. It also helps me to eat right, which has been a big factor in my drinking. I notice when I am hungry all bets are off.
I don't post here everyday, but I log on multiple times a day and read the stories of hope and stumbles. Thanks to everyone. We can all do this. Believe me, if I can, anyone can. Just three weeks ago I was living a complete lie and flushing my life down the toilet. Folks at the grocery store must be wondering where that nice baker is that used to come in and buy all that vanilla extract.