Paul:
I'm not going to suggest you go to any program, but I do want to mention that the program I personally like (SMART Recovery) looks at recovery as a process that has stages. These are:
- Precontemplation (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior that needs to be changed)
- Contemplation (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure of wanting to make a change)
- Preparation/Determination (Getting ready to change)
- Action/Willpower (Changing behavior)
- Maintenance (Maintaining the behavior change) and
- Relapse (Returning to older behaviors and abandoning the new changes) (OPTIONAL!!!!)
I see you've been getting some comments here from folks who are nervous about your ambivalence. While I understand that sentiment, I view it more as an indication of where you are in the process of change. I don't think anything is wrong, I think it simply means you're in the Contemplation stage!
If you're interested, there are ways to try to push past this. You might try making a list of pro's and con's about your drinking, and seriously...write down the good things too. See what you come up with.