Originally Posted by
NYCDoglvr 
He has a point. Your words say you don't like what he says but your actions (living with him) implies it's really ok.
Yes, he does. I guess I wonder how he went so down hill attitude wise and how I kept putting up with it. I kept hoping that he'd find God in his heart and find peace with his life, but he kept spiraling downward and I kept going down the hole with him. I keep thinking that if WE work together than WE can save OUR marriage. I guess it's just wishful thinking. Then I start blaming myself for struggling to stay married to him and his attitudes. I think the what ifs: what if I could just learn to ignore his racist comments. What if I could handle him throwing Christianity and my small group under the bus? What if I could detach from his renting a car on a suspended license and accept the fact that I might have a lawsuit coming my way in the future? Maybe that won't happen anyway, I mean he hasn't gotten in trouble yet......
Yes, I live my life saying what if??? And, then I berate myself for my shortcomings in the marriage. Lots of ifs and should haves, could haves, etc. Those things aren't going to get me anywhere anymore so I need to accept the fact that now that I want to change myself and he doesn't want to change himself, then we have nowhere to go TOGETHER.