Dear Chimmy:
I am so sorry for what you and your sister are going through.
My father was the alcoholic in my life and I can relate to a lot of what you have posted.
My dad was never able to give up alcohol and he ended up passing away two years ago at the age of 72. I went through so many different phases of how I felt about him and his drinking - anger, quilt, embarrassment, frustrations, sadness, ... I eventually got to a place of acceptance.
There truly is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING we can do to get someone to stop drinking if they don't want to stop.
"No contact" isn't about helping the alcoholic, it's about giving ourselves some distance and peace.
I eventually did distance myself from my father. I sort of felt like he could live how he wanted, but I wasn't going to let him take me down with him. It was bad enough I had to spend my childhood with an alcoholic father.
I think spending time with friends is EXACTLY what you should be doing. Focus on you and healing yourself.
Al-Anon would probably help your grandfather, but just like we can't help the alcoholic, we can't help the people who are codependent. The relationships that I had with the members of my family of origin were extremely dysfunctional. I found that I had to distance myself from them too or I would continue to get pulled into the drama and chaos. It's sad, but I did it to save my own life.
Have you or your sister tried Al-Anon? Meetings and therapy helped me a lot.
I have no experience with anorexia.
Sending you positive thoughts across the Atlantic!
Hugs,
db