Welcome Alaska. I'd like to suggest you stop thinking of yourself as a worthless loser. You've had the sense to see that backing out on the game is not acceptable. You care about what your father thinks, & how you've disappointed him. That shows you are ready to reclaim your life and to stop allowing alcohol to dictate your every move.
I remember those days. At the end of my drinking career I never went anywhere unless there was alcohol and a restroom close by. Going to the movies was out - 2 hours without a fix! Forget a baby shower - or other non-alcoholic events. How boring they seemed at the time. I didn't realize that I was the one who was boring, foggy, and numb.
You can have a whole new life without JD. He's no friend of yours. You aren't alone with this, Alaska. We're all here to help you heal. Keep on talking to us.