Alaska1112

I've finally reached that point that I told myself that I'd never reach. That point where I have to start making up lies and excuses to the people that I care about to cover up my alcoholism. My alcoholism has become so severe that I can't even go to a football game with my dad, because the event is hours away and that would put me into an intense state of withdrawal abstaining from large quantities of ethanol. I just got off the phone with him saying that I couldn't go because I had sprained my ankle.....

I'm drowning in my own shame. I want to quit....I'm so disappointed in myself right now. My dad has been looking to this game for months, he was so happy about it. I had to take it away from him because I can't control my addiction. I didn't know people could feel this low...I thought it was only in the movies. I can live with myself knowing that I'm a worthless loser, but bringing my loved ones down with me just puts me into a whole different category of low. The worst part of it is that part of me knows that my dad knew I was lying and wasn't injured, but what's he going to do? I'm exploiting his kindness to feed my own self-interests. God, I feel like a rapist....

I just feel so.....alone. I only have one friend, and his name is Jack Daniels.

Hevyn

Welcome Alaska. I'd like to suggest you stop thinking of yourself as a worthless loser. You've had the sense to see that backing out on the game is not acceptable. You care about what your father thinks, & how you've disappointed him. That shows you are ready to reclaim your life and to stop allowing alcohol to dictate your every move.

I remember those days. At the end of my drinking career I never went anywhere unless there was alcohol and a restroom close by. Going to the movies was out - 2 hours without a fix! Forget a baby shower - or other non-alcoholic events. How boring they seemed at the time. I didn't realize that I was the one who was boring, foggy, and numb.

You can have a whole new life without JD. He's no friend of yours. You aren't alone with this, Alaska. We're all here to help you heal. Keep on talking to us.

bbthumper

This is tough to read because it reminds me so much of myself. I was such a prisoner to my alcoholism. Constantly lying and hiding from the truth. It is the scariest thing in the world to do, but sometimes we need to ask for help. Have you considered seeking treatment? Or going to a hospital?

2granddaughters

I know what you're talking about. Things began to change when I decided to hang out with Dr Bob and Bill W.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

silly

Your story is much like mine. Except I probably wouldn't have let the drive stop me. I'd just drink in the car. Of course I'm NOT recommending that you do that. Definitely not. You've taken a huge step in recognizing that you have a problem. And you can probably start to see from this forum that you are not alone. Far from it!

So...... what do you want to do about it? You'll hear a ton of suggestions on here and most of them will be fantastic but, what do you want to do? Are you ready to quit drinking?

artsoul

I'm sure your dad cares more about you than any football game - his heart would go out to you if he knew how much you were struggling. You have no other choice right now. That's what alcohol does to us and we need help to recover. I'm sorry for your pain. I just hope it helps you see that you deserve a better life too.

Thoughts and prayers......

awuh1

I had a thought. Bear with me for a minute. Perhaps call up your Dad and say, “Dad I lied to you” and then “I might be an alcoholic (or words to that effect)” then perhaps “I want to go to the game but I would go through withdrawals without the alcohol, so I will need to have a few on the way”.
Now ….if you could follow that up with “I would like your help with this problem” you might gain a whole lot of respect from the man. Then follow it up with doing the work to get free …. Like going to AA .

There is a way out of this. The theme above may have variations to suit.

candi7

I agree with awuh1