Morning Jen,
I hope you got some sleep last night.
I'm going to give you some information that might be helpful. As they say in alanon, "Take what you want and leave the rest."
You don't hate your husband, you hate the disease. Unfortunately, there are times when the disease has so warped our senses that we do feel that we hate the A. I'm on and off with my husband. He's a part-time dry-drunk. Everything is fine and I love him to death, but if he gets nasty or mouthy, I hate him and I wonder why I ever stayed with him.
How you got "stuck with this guy." You answered that yourself when you said that you were an alcoholic. That's why you saw the signs and ignored them. Don't ever think that you've ruined your or her life. There's no stopping you from starting today in creating a relationship that will be happy and wholesome.
In regard to your admission of being an alcoholic and getting over it. This is going to be harsh...Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. You don't get over it, or get cured. You will constantly be recovering. My aunt had the same claim as you and her life consisted of drunk, sober, drunk, sober, drunk, drunk, drunk. Sort of like me when I diet. Skinny, fat, skinny, fat, skinny, fat, fat, fat. The best suggestion I can make to you is to get to AA meetings as well as alanon. In my group, there 3 recovering AA's who come there because of loved ones. For your benefit and that of your daughters, learn all you can about the disease and how it has affected you personally, as well as your daughter. The immediate focus needs to be on you. Especially with the claim of alcoholism. There are also meetings for young children. Please find them for her. She also needs the education.
Statistically...1 parent an alcoholic, kid has a 40% chance of being one...2 parents, there's an 85% chance.
With this disease and others, there is no easy way out. Or a quick fix. It angers me, especially with my son that I can't give him a pill that will make him better and the idea or thought of alcoholism is forever gone from his mind and body. I've damned this disease with a vengeance like no other. This is my only child. I constantly fear for his life and safety. This is where I try like hell to use detachment, but when it's a life that came from your womb, detaching from the most precious gift God gave me is so hard.
At times like this, I feel like the worse mother in the world because of the steps I must take to keep my sanity and help him accept responsibility for his actions. I'm a mama. I want to help my baby. But I can't.
Ignore hubby. Focus on yourself first. Get to AA meetings and alanon meetings. Share your story with others there. You'll get a shock to find many others in a similar situation. Then start working with your daughter and get her to meetings. I did none of this things and it has come back to haunt me. With my son's alcoholism. I never took the time to get him to meetings so he could learn all about the "curse" and how he could live a good healthy life without the booze.
Stand strong and keep the faith.
Blessings, Kathy