Karma.
I sit here now, knowing that i am 36, that within the next couple of months me and my ABF will be done, and i will be single again. Still wanting to meet that perfect man, still wanting marriage and children, still knowing that for me this will probably never happen, and a hard life of loneliness stretches out in front of me.
I believe this to be karma.
You see ABF and me have been together for 2 years, i met him at work when i was in a relationship, the relationship had hit difficult times and i felt like my partner at the time would never marry or have children with me... so instead of trying i just gave up, and within a month i was dating current ABF.
i didnt realise he was A at the time, he was so intense, he never left me alone, he showered me with love, his life was based around making me happy, he promised me children, marriage, love, life, fun, and a true soul mate.. and for a long while he demonstrated it, and i believed it.
now i watch it slip away, day by day, slowly but surely. i know he still wants what he promised, but like all A's... he cant keep his promise.
so i guess now, i will have to prepare to reap the consequences of my actions. A life alone, never to marry or have children and a life of hurt i carry about in my heart.
i feel angry with ABF for pursuing me and not leaving me alone, he knew what he was when he decided he wanted me, he never told me what he was, he lied and deceived me, and now i am paying for it. I guess i am most angry at myself though... for allowing myself to be so stupid, but i just didnt know, i honestly didnt.
do you believe in karma? is this my payback for leaving my then partner? i guess i should accept responsibility... but i feel cheated to as i was just trying to find true happiness.