Thank you. That is so true. I have read about the marriage deal breakers before, they were simular. This really is something you should know before you get in a relationship. I had alway thought that I could "love" someone through anything. But that is not the case. The lack of trust that those behaviors cause, is more than enough to damage even the strongest person.
I saw the addiction, that was easy. The wine bottles and then the wine boxes stacked up for recycling made that obvious.
The abuse was verbal so it was easyer to over look. But it sure dud a number on me. I would here people tell me how good I was to my wife. Yet all she did was put me down, or blame her problems
I never really thought of her as a narcissist. I just thought she was a girl, and it alway had to be about her. She would cry and get very sad about her uncle being sick and on his death bed. Yet if I wanted to talk about my father who died a few years ago, she never wanted to here it. Even when I was sick with a kidney infection, we had a camping trip planed that weekend, she still went and left me at home. (I should clarify that was one of 2 timed in our whole 2.5 year relationship that I was sick enough to not anything. I don't get sick that often.)
The other deal breaker is adultery. And she got me there too, twice that I know of.
I think that all of these can be worked through. But only by the spouse that had the problem. You can't love them out of it, or show them the error of their ways. They have to see it for them self, and sadly most can't.