Ananda, I remember you and the hedgehog from way back when I first joined in 2007. You were moving at the time if I recall. It took me well over 3 decades to finally throw in the towel so you're not alone in it taking some of us longer than others. I think the main reason I finally quit for good was that I was just sick and tired of going thru the same old drink/recovery stuff again and again. I don't think I had many detox cycles left in my deck of cards before my mind or body gave out for good. Just hang in there, stay strong and the pieces of the puzzle will come together when you're ready.