The chaplain is planning to travel a bit, but she did give him her email address and phone numbers to contact her.
I see your points on Alateen, but am reading through the site and some of the materials I think may be helpful and strike a chord. A great thing is that we have had a lot of help and support from other families in the area, but yes we have noticed that sometimes he gets upset when he sees other kids with intact family units, a mother still in their lives, etc.
When I take him anywhere with me, I am mistaken for his mother... and that is strange for both of us. He is now entering teenage years, I am sharing a lot of things with him that his mother should really have been sharing with him, it's sad that she is missing out on this part of his life.
I have discussed this also with my parents, we are trying to work together on it. I can find local social working contacts, but as they have official custody it is really up to them... we have all been to school meetings, but they haven't gone very well. So we may need to try local medical/health centeres again (they've had some restructuring and restaffing lately).
One teacher I spoke to last year spent an hour or so telling me all kinds of things and at the end I felt angry - it was as if she thought I didn't even know my own nephew and his issues (they spoke to my mother this year in much the same way, without much respect or listening to her), and some things were just off base. She herself - the teacher last year - apparently came from a troubled background but instead of that helping it seemed that she was projecting a lot of her own issues onto him, which I didn't feel was appropriate. Her coworker was somewhat more helpful... but she's soon retiring as well. The school promised to find him a psychologist but only with a lot of conditions and it seemed some of their own agenda, which was disappointing.
Anyway, it should come down to what is best for him, and making the best of the situation. I have had to shift my own perspective in many ways in recent years, as part of my own recovery - I have had very unhealthy thinking for years and a lot of 'baggage', I have had to relearn what I can and can't do, what I do and don't reasonably have control over. This has been with the help of my own counsellor whom I can always turn to.
Originally Posted by Hypatia
When I was four years old, my mother became bipolar. I developed a very simple concept which helped me deal with the huge mood swings and changes in my mother's personality. I thought of her as being possessed by a bad ghost or spirit. Nothing I did could affect that evil spirit. I could only get out of her way during those times when she was possessed and became in essence another person. The rest of the time she was my real mother, fun and loving and caring.
I saw my sister's personality changes several times and these were truly some of the most frightening and disconcerting episodes of my life for me as an adult, I can't even begin to imagine for a child. I know that what he tells us isn't made up or exaggerated because it all sadly fits. There were times I didn't really feel that I was dealing with my sister anymore, instead some stranger I didn't know who had taken her place. It's sad that he has those memories but I also try to share with him some of her earlier life and the kid type things she liked doing - the books, music, movies etc she liked. I try to think of what she would have wanted for him, as the real person I knew before addiction took over. That guides a lot of things for me.
Thank you for the advice and perspectives, I appreciate the sharing and insights, because I know how emotional it can all be. There are things that are still very painful for me to share and some just seem missing blanks in my memory that come back as weird flashbacks when I don't really expect them. I wish you all the best in your own situations and for your well being.