((lilly)) - Neither of my parents were A's, but I can feel your pain. Let the emotions come, sweetie. It's how we work through grief. I know when my mom died (heart problems), I KNEW the stages of grief (was in nursing school and taking "death and dying" 2 weeks after her death), I didn't realize that I would go from one emotion to another in mere seconds, that my dad and I would be in totally different stages...he would want to talk, I wanted to block it out.
My instructor knew about my mom's death. We had to write "musings"...what we felt about what we had learned each week. She ended up damned near being my counselor, as she would always comment on my feelings.
I think the ocean thing is awesome...I've always felt peace at the ocean. The letter? Another good idea. Though not a parent, I have lost loved ones to addiction. I'm an RA, I know the struggle. I find myself talking to them a lot. There are days I am having an AWESOME regular day. I tell my ex-addict bf XABF "I'm going to tuck you in my heart so you can see what recovery is really like".
Don't know if that would help you, but it does help me. Sometimes my chats aren't nearly so nice...when the anger comes out, but it's been a few years, now, and I feel peace. I pray you eventually find that peace, too. It takes time, and again..I have no idea what it's like to lose a parent that way, but it's just something that helped me.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy