Originally Posted by
muppit 
I know I should quit the drink which I’ve planned to do on a numerous of occasions but then after two or three weeks I get bored, dismiss the main reason why I tried to give up and do it all again. I hate being like this and feel I’m trapped. There’s always some sort of an event happening with my mates such as christenings, birthdays, weddings and sporting events which I hate missing out on. I’m over 30 by the way and just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully one of you readers experienced something similar and give me some advice and or even share your story. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rant.
Your whole story rang true for me as well. I frickin haaaated myself for "knowing better" but not being able to stick to my decisions - decisions I understood HAD to be stuck to "or else."
I was asked to consider that maaaaybe I was powerless in these particular areas - especially those where booze and sobriety were concerned. I rejected that notion after some consideration.
Over time though, it started to make more sense. Maybe I just THOUGHT I had power over stopping but, given my history and my track-record, the scoreboard read differently.
Eventually, the "powerless idea" was the only one that seemed to fit with my history and my reality. Damn.....sure didn't want to accept it though.
The second part of AA's first step began to make sense too (..."that our lives had become unmanageable.") It wasn't that I couldn't manage ANYthing.....I just couldn't manage WELL. If I were a coach, my team would not have a winning record.
Accepting these two truths was difficult as they ran contrary to what I'd been taught (or just mistakenly believed.....) for most of my life: you can do it / set your mind to it / don't give up / winners never quit / etc....
It turns out that surrendering to my reality, getting honest with myself about what power I do and don't have, and acknowledging that I'm not all that and a bag of chips...... that was the beginning of the end of my drinking.