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I’m a waster and a failure! need some pointers and shared experiences



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I’m a waster and a failure! need some pointers and shared experiences

Old 08-15-2012, 07:21 AM
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I’m a waster and a failure! need some pointers and shared experiences

Well it has to be said...I’m a waster and a failure! Why? Because I can’t take responsibility for my own actions and blaming others despite making the same mistakes over and over. I planned on giving up the smokes, joining a gym, doing a FAS course and basically be healthier. Well 8½ months later and I’m still a waster. I’ve done a web design course but didn’t finish it because a trip to Spain was an offer too good to miss, I went back on the smokes after a big session and then giving excuses to go back on them, Still planning on joining a gym and be giving it all up again.

It seems some sort of an event or gathering gets in the way and I end up back to square one. Lately I’ve been drinking heavily and making a complete ass of myself which isn’t new! I haven’t made a serious effort on reaching my goals as I find it extremely hard to say “NO” for a drink which usually leads to drugs and then a session along with spending a fortune of money and ending it with full of regrets the following days.

This has being happening quite a lot with one particular friend. I feel he’s always in the way and if he’s not involved someone else is. Also I’m going off my head, acting weird, criticising people or being argumentative at people. Basically I’m just being an ******* lately when I’ve had too much. I’m generally a sound guy when I’m sober and usually quiet but my personality changes after too many.

I know perfectly well that I’m the one responsible for my actions and it’s easy to blank my mates but then I’ll be lonely and bored. I blame this particular friend all that goes wrong or any regrets I have which is completely wrong...it’s me who I should be blaming. He’s being a mate for over 20 years but for the last few years we bonded so well after he had a bad break up, I’m single by the way and he has four kids. I seem to be his best drinking buddy but I just want to stop and get a grip with my life as I’m going absolutely nowhere and never had much luck with women, most likely because I severely lack in confidence due to my anorexic state and usually get in bad states when on the drink.

I know I should quit the drink which I’ve planned to do on a numerous of occasions but then after two or three weeks I get bored, dismiss the main reason why I tried to give up and do it all again. I hate being like this and feel I’m trapped. There’s always some sort of an event happening with my mates such as christenings, birthdays, weddings and sporting events which I hate missing out on. I’m over 30 by the way and just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully one of you readers experienced something similar and give me some advice and or even share your story. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rant.
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:28 AM
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M.... You are not trapped. None of us are.

I think we are very similar. I too try to find reasons to drink... Then when I recover try to find reasons to not drink. The back and forth is what we do.

If I may say this.... You sound hurt by your mate. Did he do something or more over not do something that your hurt about? Just a thought.

Welcome to SR. The are a lot of very good people here that you can share with and will support you. Me being one of them.

Stay sober today.... It's not boring once you stay that way.
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:38 AM
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Thanks for your reply. No I don't feel hurt by him, its just that its always the same begining and ending that involves him nearly every time. I end up on a session as we have such a great banter with loads of people and I just tend to forget why I am trying to quit or not thinking about this the next morning. He's a good guy just a bad influence and I dont want to blank him as he's the single mate I have and I'll end up lonely and bored which makes me end up back on the drink. I'm kind of shy at first which makes it hard to meet new people aswell.
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:43 AM
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M.... Since you are here I assume you want to stop drinking all together. I had and still have a very hard time with not wanting to be at the bar with my mates and laugh and tell stories. It enticing and addictive in and of itself. But...........

To be and remain sober we must make changes. We cannot live the same life and expect different results. You may not want to hear that but it's fact.

You may be shy but he is not the only buddy in the world. I have someone that I think is cannot live without. I convinced myself there is no one else. I know better but still stick around. Not sure why.

Let's focus on you. Why you drink. No one makes you.... Do you have any idea of how you want to remain sober?
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Old 08-15-2012, 08:25 AM
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Welcome to SR.

If your aim is to have lasting sobriety then for now it has to be your number one priority. That may mean skipping the celebrations for a period of time until you're solid in your sobriety.

Like Weasel says, nobody is making you drink. The only person picking that drink up and drinking it is you. You don't have to do that any more if you don't want to. There's no secret equation for being sober... it's simple - you just have to stop drinking. I'm not saying that's easy, especially at the beginning, and you will probably have to change how you spend your time. But missing a few celebrations is hardly a sacrifice when it comes to your health and your mental well being.

If you want this, you can have it. Believe in yourself. Find that willpower and determination and put sobriety first... put yourself first.

Wishing you all the best.
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Old 08-15-2012, 01:32 PM
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I'm impressed you ever got to a few weeks sober with no support Muppit. I could never make it past day 2 before I came here!

I totally get where you're coming from. I've always found it hard to say no and found every excuse I could to not give up drinking. The most common being 'I have parties to go to'! In the end I had to take a bit of time out of my usual life to give me the time to sober up and feel strong enough to handle social occasions again. It took a few months before I calmed down enough to not keep blaming my situation on other people, and just being generally angry and overly sensitive.

Really if you think you're being a bit of an arse now I bet you have a better chance of holding on to your friends if you do give up drinking. Your mate will still be there for you and one of the good things about getting sober is that you'll have good opportunities to meet other sober people through support groups and the like. Go to AA or SMART, or if you're in the UK phone drinkline and find out what your local drug and alcohol agency is...

Oh, and I'm over 30 and it really is the perfect time to get sober I thought I was at deaths door before I quit drinking and now I have suddenly realised I have years left and I actually wanna be here. Sobriety is a good thing Muppit. Welcome to SR x
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Old 08-15-2012, 01:34 PM
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You only fail if you quit trying
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Old 08-15-2012, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by muppit View Post
I know I should quit the drink which I’ve planned to do on a numerous of occasions but then after two or three weeks I get bored, dismiss the main reason why I tried to give up and do it all again. I hate being like this and feel I’m trapped. There’s always some sort of an event happening with my mates such as christenings, birthdays, weddings and sporting events which I hate missing out on. I’m over 30 by the way and just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully one of you readers experienced something similar and give me some advice and or even share your story. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rant.
Your whole story rang true for me as well. I frickin haaaated myself for "knowing better" but not being able to stick to my decisions - decisions I understood HAD to be stuck to "or else."

I was asked to consider that maaaaybe I was powerless in these particular areas - especially those where booze and sobriety were concerned. I rejected that notion after some consideration.

Over time though, it started to make more sense. Maybe I just THOUGHT I had power over stopping but, given my history and my track-record, the scoreboard read differently.

Eventually, the "powerless idea" was the only one that seemed to fit with my history and my reality. Damn.....sure didn't want to accept it though.

The second part of AA's first step began to make sense too (..."that our lives had become unmanageable.") It wasn't that I couldn't manage ANYthing.....I just couldn't manage WELL. If I were a coach, my team would not have a winning record.

Accepting these two truths was difficult as they ran contrary to what I'd been taught (or just mistakenly believed.....) for most of my life: you can do it / set your mind to it / don't give up / winners never quit / etc....

It turns out that surrendering to my reality, getting honest with myself about what power I do and don't have, and acknowledging that I'm not all that and a bag of chips...... that was the beginning of the end of my drinking.
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