M.... You are not trapped. None of us are.
I think we are very similar. I too try to find reasons to drink... Then when I recover try to find reasons to not drink. The back and forth is what we do.
If I may say this.... You sound hurt by your mate. Did he do something or more over not do something that your hurt about? Just a thought.
Welcome to SR. The are a lot of very good people here that you can share with and will support you. Me being one of them.
Stay sober today.... It's not boring once you stay that way.