muppit

Well it has to be said...I’m a waster and a failure! Why? Because I can’t take responsibility for my own actions and blaming others despite making the same mistakes over and over. I planned on giving up the smokes, joining a gym, doing a FAS course and basically be healthier. Well 8½ months later and I’m still a waster. I’ve done a web design course but didn’t finish it because a trip to Spain was an offer too good to miss, I went back on the smokes after a big session and then giving excuses to go back on them, Still planning on joining a gym and be giving it all up again.

It seems some sort of an event or gathering gets in the way and I end up back to square one. Lately I’ve been drinking heavily and making a complete ass of myself which isn’t new! I haven’t made a serious effort on reaching my goals as I find it extremely hard to say “NO” for a drink which usually leads to drugs and then a session along with spending a fortune of money and ending it with full of regrets the following days.

This has being happening quite a lot with one particular friend. I feel he’s always in the way and if he’s not involved someone else is. Also I’m going off my head, acting weird, criticising people or being argumentative at people. Basically I’m just being an ******* lately when I’ve had too much. I’m generally a sound guy when I’m sober and usually quiet but my personality changes after too many.

I know perfectly well that I’m the one responsible for my actions and it’s easy to blank my mates but then I’ll be lonely and bored. I blame this particular friend all that goes wrong or any regrets I have which is completely wrong...it’s me who I should be blaming. He’s being a mate for over 20 years but for the last few years we bonded so well after he had a bad break up, I’m single by the way and he has four kids. I seem to be his best drinking buddy but I just want to stop and get a grip with my life as I’m going absolutely nowhere and never had much luck with women, most likely because I severely lack in confidence due to my anorexic state and usually get in bad states when on the drink.

I know I should quit the drink which I’ve planned to do on a numerous of occasions but then after two or three weeks I get bored, dismiss the main reason why I tried to give up and do it all again. I hate being like this and feel I’m trapped. There’s always some sort of an event happening with my mates such as christenings, birthdays, weddings and sporting events which I hate missing out on. I’m over 30 by the way and just wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully one of you readers experienced something similar and give me some advice and or even share your story. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rant.