I have several brothers. Only one of them knows the extent of xah's abuse. Maybe it's time to tell them all and turn a blind eye to whatever they might choose to do in response.
You can tell them the truth about what you are dealing with and request their support. STBXAH is betting on you keeping his secrets.
*If* you're unhinged, it's because you're dealing with a crazy person. But I don't think you're unhinged. I think you're trying to find your bearings amidst chaos.
So many hugs. xxooxoxoxox