I said I would post at noon and I am...jeez...a bit shaky at work from fear. Had a situation come up that was a possible mutual responsibility. I don't actually believe it was my responsibility, but when I'm sober and have a backbone I can be more certain of that.
The bottles are gone...drank 4 shots and then pitched the rest and the "back up bottle". See I'm shaking and it's not withdrawal at this point..it's just the fear. I feel like I've been standing at the edge of the cliff for 2 weeks and I just jumped. I differ from some in that I believe you don't always get "caught"...sometimes you break both legs. But you have to jump...it's the next indicated thing. So I've cut my outs and need to just stay out of fear till 5pm. Even then I need to not just go nuts. There isn't really a reason to.
No more avoiding interactions cause someone might notice I'm drinking! And for me, no more avoiding the hard stuff. I want to be solution based and take responsibility for my part, but not for other's parts.
If I could post a smiley it would be me with a weak have smile shaking and trying to hold fig leafs over my nakedness. I feel very vunerable yet this is where I need to go...The rubber is now meeting the road, the truth is in these next few days.
Actually, as hard as this part will be, it may be harder to remember this when mom goes home. I think I have a grasp on the importance of this..but I know I'll have some temptations when no ones here. But that's getting ahead of the horse. Right now just deal. Dumping the bottles was pretty significant for me....eeks...time to go to work.
I'll check in tonight unless I'm in total melt down.