ok..i'm scared shtlesss....I'll post at noon. I just need to calm down and not let my emotions control me.
Sorry...needed to post that feeling and now I have to move past the fear. I have a task list to keep me out of the emotional crp today at work. I'm not behind or strugling at work. Just go in and do my job.
I'm so scared, but pity won't help me. I need to simply stay focused on doing the next indicated thing. Stick with the plan, stay out of self pity, utilize the help I have and get this done.
I'm going to be late to work by 10 minites I think. Not the end of the world. I have to take some deep breaths and do the deal.
I'm aware I'm whining. Putting this out in writing helps me see the bull. I'm not sure I could have chosen to do this different, but I simply must follow through. I basically don't believe in any of the programs out there. I borrow from each what rings true to me and use what my past sober expereinces support.
I'm not a "positive thinker" I believe in seeing things as they truley are. Sometimes I'm too negative and sometimes I'm too positive. Bottom line is what is it really. Knowing I can twist reality, I need to be careful, but I also can't sell out what I believe to be true. I remember at my first attempt at sobriety (got 2.5 years) 25 years ago or so...I lived by what I believed and when I found I was wrong I changed. So I will start where I am.
Quit. Be honest.
OK..I'm really late now...gotta go.
Thanks to all who are encouraging me even when they might not agree with me. I want to get beyond this, but right now it matters that I feel some support.
Nands.