You are not weak. I felt the same way you do for quite some time and didn't have energy or strength... What really helped before I left the situation was surrounding myself with caring, supportive people and slowly..... very slowly began doing little things to feed my soul, like a hot bath, a nature walk, anything AWAY from the house and away from him. Each little step gave me nuggets of nourishment which eventually gave me the strength to leave.. This man has already tried to do his best to play with your head with his sick and twisted games so please don't punish yourself anymore. Soon your anguish will turn to anger and then hopefully to apathy. Please hang in there; you are stronger than you think and Im rooting for you.