I know well about not believing in any kind of deity. That was me for a vast majority of my life. I told someone that and they asked if I thought anything was more powerful than I was. I replied “gravity”. Much like you I found it impossible to pray to the laws of nature. Yet the question made me puzzle about the nature of things.
I sympathize with your plight. It’s not as though a person can decide to believe. At least I could not. I had to become more open minded than I had been previously and really search.
While I searched, Group Of Drunks became my GOD. They were certainly more powerful in their battle with alcohol than I had been. But me doing it on my own? That method had a proven track record of failure. Thank GOD I didn’t try that again.