Nazzy - I was at that same point when I joined SR. I'd been drinking my whole life. I couldn't imagine getting by without it - even though my life was in ruins because of it.
I kept insisting I could make it be fun again - the way it was long ago. The hardest thing was admitting I had stepped over the line from social to alcoholic drinking. I wasted years proving it was impossible to control what would happen when I took that first drink. In the end, I was drinking all day - even at work. When I came to SR I wasn't expecting to actually quit forever - but when I read all the stories of hope & inspiration, I knew I wanted what so many here had. The best thing for me was to no longer feel alone - I had so many people who understood me, and helped me every step of the way. Please stay and keep posting and reading. We care about you.