Hey, HP, I left a reply on your other post. Good to see you. Yeah, I remember you getting into a skirmish or two. No worries, part of the deal. Addicts and recovering addicts -- serious stuff, discussed by passionate folks. I've come to realize I can not be drawn into a debate against my will; I mean, it's the Internet, ya know? Click a button and it all disappears. Click another and you'll find something more supportive to read.
I can totally relate to feeling trapped. My guess is that it's not your past, or even the state of your life today. It's addiction. For me, part of the illusion was that I had all these other problems preventing me from quitting. If only I could change this or that, then I could stop drinking. Guess what? It turned out that I had to quit drinking in order to improve everything else, including relationships with others. It actually made life simpler to see it that way, since it allowed me to focus on the thing that mattered most, ya know?
Anyway, glad you're back. I remember how it feels. Don't give up.