Sweetiewalls,
all I could picture in my mind, as I read this, Is a big garbage truck(xah) backing up, and dumping his trash into your mind. I want to say, and maybe I shouldn't advise, but just get out of the way of his trash...do not take any of his words into your mind. Does he really have anything uplifting, informative or helpful to share anyway? He has absolutely no right to your ears , mind or heart. You are none of the stuff he said, he is only spewing out the poison in your direction, since he obviously is not happy in his 'great and happy life'.
This pushes buttons for me, since my childrens father did this to me, after our divorce. And I was such a target-waiting for something sensible and fair to come out of his mouth, but he took the opportunity to shoot me down every time, in oh so many little ways.. left me so angry I wanted to just scream, and often did, inside. but that anger just ate at me, didnt hurt him. he had a second wife who was just as happy to label me, and hurt me, too. He had asked me to remarry him two days before he married her. so he forever has hated me, and she probably guessed that he still 'loved' me, and that is why she hated me. All this to say, get out of t he line of fire of the hate, tearing down, using you as a whipping post. you dont need him. personally, the way he is to you, makes me want to say 'just pretend he is dead, that you do not have him as an option. if there is any way you can get out of needing the help of this verbally abusive man, who seems to derive sick satisfaction out of hurting you, please do so. there are millions of single parents who find a way to do it without help from the other parent.
it seems the payment you make, in order to have his help, is far more damaging to you , and in effect, your little girl too. someone making her mommy feel 'suicidal' that is criminal. you dont deserve that shyte honey. he deserves quite a kick in the teeth, actually..and he will eventually wiil get it, from someone. he sees you as powerless and a punching bag. show him differently.
pull yourself up honey, dust off his junk- just remember you are so valuabl, you are your daughters very world. feel special, because you are.