Originally Posted by
Krystal32 
So, he says to me that he needed to go to the store to "get whipped cream" all of a sudden....and it's pouring rain outside. Was I born yesterday???? Uh, no. So, he walks in the door after "getting his whipped cream" and I make him empty his pockets. Oh wait, what's that??? Hmmmm, about 5 or 6 pain pills. I took them and flush them and again I said "I'm leaving you" and he starts with the "I need u now more then ever, I'm ready to stop, I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow, I'm done, I swear"....
UGH!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how to feel, what to think, what to do. I know I need to leave but the thought right now is so unbelievably overwhelming. What am I doing?????? Why is it when he uses, I feel so weak????? Why don't I have the strength to say that I'm leaving and actually follow through with it???? How many times am I going to put myself and my children through this?????? Help!!!!!!!!!!!
I havent read your whole story Krsytal, but Im sorry that you are going through this situation. Try not to beat yourself up in your decision making process. It takes time to get to a point of decision when the stakes are so high. From my own experience, Ive found that I think best when I can get to an even emotional level. So please try to work your personal method of recovery, and Im sure it will help bring you to a much more peaceful place where you can sort your options, and stand strong in your decisions whichever way they fall.
My husband has been clean for several years now, but for many, many years he used cocaine Id say ever other weekend. I always thought of it as recreational use, but it definetly had a component of addiction to it. After the weekend high, he would also spend several days crashing and being low. There were times I was tempted to leave him. Luckily he figured it out on his own, in his time.