Caught him with pills......

Old 08-05-2012, 07:52 PM
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Caught him with pills......

So, he says to me that he needed to go to the store to "get whipped cream" all of a sudden....and it's pouring rain outside. Was I born yesterday???? Uh, no. So, he walks in the door after "getting his whipped cream" and I make him empty his pockets. Oh wait, what's that??? Hmmmm, about 5 or 6 pain pills. I took them and flush them and again I said "I'm leaving you" and he starts with the "I need u now more then ever, I'm ready to stop, I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow, I'm done, I swear"....

UGH!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how to feel, what to think, what to do. I know I need to leave but the thought right now is so unbelievably overwhelming. What am I doing?????? Why is it when he uses, I feel so weak????? Why don't I have the strength to say that I'm leaving and actually follow through with it???? How many times am I going to put myself and my children through this?????? Help!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-05-2012, 07:58 PM
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((((((((((Krystal)))))))) Take some deep breaths


You will know when your ready it may not be today and then again it may it is not easy to walk away and yes they manipulate and often we are one one who feels guilty.


Feel whatever your feelings are don't try and run from them they can be painful yet that is part of our recovery. I just want you too know I care.
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:15 PM
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Thank you crazybabie, I just want you to know that I hesitated at first about posting this but then I read the thread you just posted and I can't specifically say why but it helped push me past that hesitation and realize that I just needed to get it out. I admire your strength and Thank you so much for your kind words
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:18 PM
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awww Krystal!! I am sorry for your pain. Addiction is just pure evil.

Please believe me when I say...the more you ride the roller coaster...the more unhealthy you will become. Ok, he went and got pills. You KNEW it. Flushing them isn't the answer. He is just going to buy more. I am not suggesting leaving but somehow try to detach a little each day while you are there...for your own sake and the sake of your kids!!
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:29 PM
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You're right lovemenot, flushing them served no purpose......just an impulse on my part. I have been working on myself by going to my alanon meetings and reading here every day and by not isolating myself every time something happens cause I always did that before. I would just brush it under the rug and act like everything was fine. No more of that for me, I INSTANTLY reach out cause I know for my own recovery, I can't afford to clam up.
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:47 PM
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We all want to "buy into" them getting help without us having to go through our own discomfort of leaving them. They are our drug.. We hold their home together while they use their drug. We need them for our codie addiction, they want us to make their addiction more comfortable.. It gets to be a a dance.

It truly is a process getting to " getting it". It takes hard work and pain to motivate us to get there.. The problem is the damage between here and there. I don't know if there is a way to take a crash course, but supports groups and forums like one really help!!

Think what you would want for your daughter if she were in this situation. How would you want to see her protect herself? This analogy always gives me clarity/
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:59 PM
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Krystal, your Strong i can't take credit for your deciding to post YOU did that on your own.

None of this, is easy keep working the program you wish he would work it works IF you work it no decision has to be made right now I am assuming there is no physical abuse when I say this. I do agree your kids need away as soon as possible I stayed way to long I thought his smoking pot was OK my original reason for joining here was my oldest son not my husband.

I am walking with you we all are.
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Old 08-05-2012, 09:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Krystal32 View Post
So, he says to me that he needed to go to the store to "get whipped cream" all of a sudden....and it's pouring rain outside. Was I born yesterday???? Uh, no. So, he walks in the door after "getting his whipped cream" and I make him empty his pockets. Oh wait, what's that??? Hmmmm, about 5 or 6 pain pills. I took them and flush them and again I said "I'm leaving you" and he starts with the "I need u now more then ever, I'm ready to stop, I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow, I'm done, I swear"....

UGH!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how to feel, what to think, what to do. I know I need to leave but the thought right now is so unbelievably overwhelming. What am I doing?????? Why is it when he uses, I feel so weak????? Why don't I have the strength to say that I'm leaving and actually follow through with it???? How many times am I going to put myself and my children through this?????? Help!!!!!!!!!!!
I havent read your whole story Krsytal, but Im sorry that you are going through this situation. Try not to beat yourself up in your decision making process. It takes time to get to a point of decision when the stakes are so high. From my own experience, Ive found that I think best when I can get to an even emotional level. So please try to work your personal method of recovery, and Im sure it will help bring you to a much more peaceful place where you can sort your options, and stand strong in your decisions whichever way they fall.

My husband has been clean for several years now, but for many, many years he used cocaine Id say ever other weekend. I always thought of it as recreational use, but it definetly had a component of addiction to it. After the weekend high, he would also spend several days crashing and being low. There were times I was tempted to leave him. Luckily he figured it out on his own, in his time.
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:32 AM
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Active addicts and alcoholics and those new to recovery make lousy parents.
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Old 08-06-2012, 08:16 AM
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I know how you feel. Torn. Like you're two people. You wonder where your strength has gone. You wonder why you put up with this crap. I'll tell you from personal experience, you have stores of strength you don't even know about. When/if you decide to leave, that strength will come out swinging for you and your children. It is never easy to make a decision about ending a marriage/relationship. Take your time (as long as there is no abuse involved) and do what's right for you and your kids. They have no one to protect them but you...
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:19 AM
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Nerdygirl, you're dead on. I feel very torn, like 2 people. I don't know which way to go but with alanon and this site, I'm definitely seeing that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like that light is so far away. It's like a speck to me right now but that's better than I was before cause before I saw no light at all. I know once I'm done, that's it, I'm done and there will be no going back. Like you said, my strength will come out swinging. I'm just waiting to reach that point. Until then I'm going to stay focused on my recovery.

Oh, and let me just put it out there that there's no abuse involved in this at all. Thank you again to everyone for your support. It means so much to me.
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