Not really advice but just wanted to share that I relate. I have been close to 1yr of sobriety a few times & have been trying to get sober close to 10yrs. I hit 11months once & friends were planning on a party for me & I relapsed bad. I started drinking at 16 and don't believe that I have the skills/maturity of a 16yr. This is because I would be dead if I still thought like I did when I was 16yr. I learned & adapted to life as an alcoholic & contrary to popular belief, takes a skill.