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Why Do I Keep Worrying?

Old 08-05-2012, 08:59 AM
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Exclamation Why Do I Keep Worrying?

It seems every time I have something new to worry about. I'm coming up to a year of being sober for the first time in 7 years of my drinking life. I've never obtained a year sober before while being in AA for 3 and a half years. Well new thoughts come into my mind. Not so much about drinking anymore, but the fact that my girlfriend of 8 months now is studying for her drivers test on tuesday, she would like to drive. Please keep an open mind as we are 6 years in age difference, her 22 and myself 27

First off with that age gap... Im not worried about the age difference nor is she, the factor of us being happy together and falling for one another... age is not an issue. And Im not worried about my statement to her... I told her recently alot of the time I do not feel 27 years old.... I was told in AA that the time you start drinking and altering your mind you aren't truly your real self. And when you sober up its where you left off before you started drinking. I started drinking heavily at age 22 myself. So I tell her sometimes I feel we're the same age but not to the point of making her concerned for my mental health. I clearly explained how it works and she understood. She's a very mature young woman for a 22 year old. When I first met her I thought she was maybe 24 or 25. When we started dating for a month I asked her age because I honestly didn't know and told her I was 26 and she didn't mind at all and nor did I when I learned she was 21. I knew that deep down I wouldn't date anyone younger then her but my mind set is of course on her now not to worry about my next girlfriend because we're good so far.... i digress here....

My main reason of posting this is because I fear one day she may think differently of me. As I said she's studying at this moment for her drivers test on tuesday and I don't know if I'm just feeling maybe jealous she's going to go for it and not me. I've never considered driving again once I picked up drinking and thank god I didn't drive while drinking because I'm sure if I owned a car I would drive drunk and not bike drunk. I guess because Im getting older life's getting to me now where I know I may have to either set my pride aside and accept she'll be driving and not me because I can't afford to live on my own next year AND drive. I know I wont own a car or anything for awhile but when you write your test you have a year to obtain your next level of license. Here in Canada we go by the G1, G2 and G licenses and you need to obtain them within a 5 year span. I kept my G1 for ID purposes for bars etc never once considered driving just needed official ID. I've talked to her about this and told her I worry that even though right now she's 22 and focused on finishing university and getting a career hopefully by 2014. Her views may change on me for not driving and she seriously wants to live with me someday but doesn't want to be around here in which I also have to consider commuting if we live far away from my job right now.

I guess I'm having bit of anxiety right now because I have to consider serious options about out future as well. Like I work in a grocery store may 24 hours a week not enough to live on and drive. I have saved money of course but ever so slowly. Slower then a average guy who works 40 hours a week. I guess I worry I may not live up to her needs someday. I have been living one day at a time but as time goes on I realize I only get older by the day and that I draw nearer to living on my own again. I'll be satisfied once I can look after myself again, But Im afraid I'll fail my girlfriend in which we've briefly talked about living together and having a family one day.....

That being said her and I were going for a walk last week and we stopped by a playground to rest in the shade because we were warm from the sun and this mother and child were playing in the sand together and Inne was admiring them so much and we talked about that someday we'd have kids and played at the ideas of what our children may look like, she's white skinned and I'm native background and have dark brown so I kidded that he or she will have tanned skin. And she said as long as he or she had my strong and fast growing hair. I laughed and said they need to have your eyes and smile.

She told me about the driving that it's up to me what I want to do she isn't making me go obtain it because its my life not hers. Any advice?
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Old 08-05-2012, 09:33 AM
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Not really advice but just wanted to share that I relate. I have been close to 1yr of sobriety a few times & have been trying to get sober close to 10yrs. I hit 11months once & friends were planning on a party for me & I relapsed bad. I started drinking at 16 and don't believe that I have the skills/maturity of a 16yr. This is because I would be dead if I still thought like I did when I was 16yr. I learned & adapted to life as an alcoholic & contrary to popular belief, takes a skill.
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:22 AM
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yeah but i have what they call fetal alcohol effect. my birth mother drank when I was in her womb, doctors said alcohol would affect me differently. So I still feel 22 where I left off. Because I still dont worry about my future, I think about right now and enjoy life. my girlfriend and I talked. She said she understands where Im coming from but she still goes by look at today, we're still young and the whole driving issue... shes only prepping for later in her life when she needs to drive not at this moment. So I agreed. Told Ill refocus on today only and that we're happy and we'll BE happy later down the road. Thanks JustFor1
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Old 08-05-2012, 01:09 PM
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Hi OJibway...I've been following your posts and remain thrilled for you for the life your sobriety has allowed to happen. You are obviously in love, and your posts lead me to believe she feels the same way. My advice is to support her 100% in her pursuit of her license and don't let it worry you. Alcoholics seem to be pre-disposed to both anxiety and depression, as has been my case. And those can strike at exactly the wrong time. I urge you not to let it. If you are a man of prayer, give this concern to God, and just love your girl as you do.

I'm also two days away from a year, and have been going through some weird thoughts regarding that. Insecurities and junk. Just Let Go and Let God. And enjoy the ride.

Peace.
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Old 08-05-2012, 01:25 PM
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Sounds great and that you two are in love. Awesome! I can only speak for myself, but when I worry like that in my relationship with my BF it causes me to act out of insecurity that in turn gets ugly on my part. I would not compare yourself to her, but work on your own goals and interests and support hers. I am sure it will be fine
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Old 08-05-2012, 01:29 PM
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"God is everything or he is nothing. What was our choice to be?"

That's our 2nd step proposition. When I find myself worried about anything I remind myself of what my choice is.
Gotta have faith that if I am doing what I should be doing to maintain spiritual fitness God will provide for me.
That being said,"Faith without works is dead." How much "work" are you invlved in? I find my worrying is usually directly proportionate with my lack of service work at any given time.
Hope things work out for you.
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Old 08-05-2012, 02:36 PM
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I suggest bringing the mind back in and focusing on being sober TODAY. You don't stop drinking forever, you just don't drink today.
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:32 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Try this ....give yourself 15 minutes to worry then pray
and let hP handle the results....

Rememberhow scared you were about telling her of your past drinking?
And that worked out for both of you....

The age difference? I've dated men as much as 20 years older and
my last guy was 15 years younger. It was no big deal either way.
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