It seems every time I have something new to worry about. I'm coming up to a year of being sober for the first time in 7 years of my drinking life. I've never obtained a year sober before while being in AA for 3 and a half years. Well new thoughts come into my mind. Not so much about drinking anymore, but the fact that my girlfriend of 8 months now is studying for her drivers test on tuesday, she would like to drive. Please keep an open mind as we are 6 years in age difference, her 22 and myself 27
First off with that age gap... Im not worried about the age difference nor is she, the factor of us being happy together and falling for one another... age is not an issue. And Im not worried about my statement to her... I told her recently alot of the time I do not feel 27 years old.... I was told in AA that the time you start drinking and altering your mind you aren't truly your real self. And when you sober up its where you left off before you started drinking. I started drinking heavily at age 22 myself. So I tell her sometimes I feel we're the same age but not to the point of making her concerned for my mental health. I clearly explained how it works and she understood. She's a very mature young woman for a 22 year old. When I first met her I thought she was maybe 24 or 25. When we started dating for a month I asked her age because I honestly didn't know and told her I was 26 and she didn't mind at all and nor did I when I learned she was 21. I knew that deep down I wouldn't date anyone younger then her but my mind set is of course on her now not to worry about my next girlfriend because we're good so far.... i digress here....
My main reason of posting this is because I fear one day she may think differently of me. As I said she's studying at this moment for her drivers test on tuesday and I don't know if I'm just feeling maybe jealous she's going to go for it and not me. I've never considered driving again once I picked up drinking and thank god I didn't drive while drinking because I'm sure if I owned a car I would drive drunk and not bike drunk. I guess because Im getting older life's getting to me now where I know I may have to either set my pride aside and accept she'll be driving and not me because I can't afford to live on my own next year AND drive. I know I wont own a car or anything for awhile but when you write your test you have a year to obtain your next level of license. Here in Canada we go by the G1, G2 and G licenses and you need to obtain them within a 5 year span. I kept my G1 for ID purposes for bars etc never once considered driving just needed official ID. I've talked to her about this and told her I worry that even though right now she's 22 and focused on finishing university and getting a career hopefully by 2014. Her views may change on me for not driving and she seriously wants to live with me someday but doesn't want to be around here in which I also have to consider commuting if we live far away from my job right now.
I guess I'm having bit of anxiety right now because I have to consider serious options about out future as well. Like I work in a grocery store may 24 hours a week not enough to live on and drive. I have saved money of course but ever so slowly. Slower then a average guy who works 40 hours a week. I guess I worry I may not live up to her needs someday. I have been living one day at a time but as time goes on I realize I only get older by the day and that I draw nearer to living on my own again. I'll be satisfied once I can look after myself again, But Im afraid I'll fail my girlfriend in which we've briefly talked about living together and having a family one day.....
That being said her and I were going for a walk last week and we stopped by a playground to rest in the shade because we were warm from the sun and this mother and child were playing in the sand together and Inne was admiring them so much and we talked about that someday we'd have kids and played at the ideas of what our children may look like, she's white skinned and I'm native background and have dark brown so I kidded that he or she will have tanned skin. And she said as long as he or she had my strong and fast growing hair. I laughed and said they need to have your eyes and smile.
She told me about the driving that it's up to me what I want to do she isn't making me go obtain it because its my life not hers. Any advice?
