Wellcome
IMHO truth is always the best solution. Kids are very intuitive and they always know much more than we give them a credit for. While we keep telling them the lies they know something is wrong, which is only making them confused and fearful things are worse than they are. So they grow up into adults with no clear sense of normality.
I told my kids about their dad's alcoholism when they were younger than yours, I think they were 11 and 7 at the time. They felt relieved and grateful. It brought them peace in the situation they couldn't make sense of. (mind you RAH wasn't a mean drunk either, there was no violence or verbal abuse in our home, he was never completely wasted - he was simply hardly ever home, and slightly tipsy when he was here, but at the same time I was a mess, my relationship with my husband far from normal, as I believe it always is in the household where there is active alcoholism present).
I believe that telling my kids the truth was the best thing I ever did for them. Since than we always speak openly about all things concerning alcoholsim and their dad.
I believe by telling them the truth I did them quite a few favors:
- I resolved their confusion and gave them validation
- I showed them they can trust me, so they felt safe
- I educated them about alcoholism - so when older they can make better choices in their own lives
I'm sure there is more to it, but I believe you get the idea.
Hope this helps
I wish you well