Hi everyone.
I'm new here, and am glad to have found you.
My husband has been a functioning alcoholic for at least 5 years - maybe more. He has never been a mean drunk - far from it. Because he has been drinking for so much of her life, my just-turned 9 year-old does not know him any other way than the joking, friendly, silly dad she's used to. He has tried AA/sobriety several times, but this time is more fully embracing and accepting it. He goes to meetings daily, and usually tells her he's 'going to see his friends' when he goes. For the past 2 or 3 weeks, he has been more withdrawn, a bit down, and a bit less patient. Mood has improved the last few days, but still, there is a noticeable change, and from her point of view, it is NOT for the better. In her mind, his new 'friends' are the cause of her dad's personality change, and she is really mad.
My husband told my older daughter (soon to be 13) why he goes to see his friends, and she seems to accept it without too much difficulty, though I keep my ears and eyes open to make sure she is doing okay.
My question is, what is the best way to help my younger daughter understand that he dad is going through a big change, and what it does and doesn't mean?
Another question is whether I should talk to my husband about this - specifically that daughter and her friends (who all really like my husband and used to hang out at our house quite a bit) are apprehensive of him? I know that some days are a real struggle for him to just get through without drinking, and I don't want to add to the pressure he feels. On the other hand, would it be better, in the long run, for him to know how his behavior affects others?
I hope this makes sense - I'm not sure if I am explaining my concerns well.
