Liz,
The whole comment about rape really bothered me too. It shows that he is willing to exploit you emotionally to suit his needs. THe fact that he then wanted to have sex shows he is also willing to exploit you physically.
If you think you need to go to marriage counseling in order to have your feelings about all of this validated...before you can give yourself permission to take care of your needs...then I guess that's what you should do but maybe individual counseling would be more appropriate? Just a thought.
What are you getting out of the relationship at this point?
What is your son learning about marriage and adult relationships?
You have choices.
Have you ever consulted with an attorney to learn what your options are?
Knowledge is power.