Hi friend,
I hear some of the same struggles in you that I feel in myself. My head KNOWS that my abusive, now relapsed, had a new girlfriend until they broke up this week, crack smoking ex husband is not a good fit for me. I know it. I know it. I know it.
So how come I miss him and still have sorrow that we weren't able to make our relationship work? It's because I was in love with my hopes and dreams....not him. So, once I am able to have my heart understand that who I love and who I miss is the DREAM that I had of him and our relationship and NOT the real him I'll be more in alignment. Until then, I'm just grateful that my head is actually winning. I know that my heart can come here and seek solace and understanding from people that actually give a care.
Crack is a nasty drug....even wehn they are not smoking it....it messes with your brain and from what I can tell it makes you a not nice person.